I feared my entire life of dying.
Fear of leaving this Earth, and leaving behind my daughters, my sisters, my family and MY LIFE.
I feared leaving my environment, not being able to travel and hanging out with friends.
I suffered from severe anxiety, but not knowing I had it made it worse.
When a loved one dies
It is only human to think and feel many emotions.
Your mind will race with what ifs and why me?
Life is beautiful and unfortunately many of us don’t see that true beauty until we receive a terminal diagnosis or someone close to us gets sick and passes away.
So, how do we cope and continue to live without the ones we love?
Some people seem to be inherently more at peace with death; whether premature or at the end of a long life.
Others find the dying process difficult to face no matter how old they get or how often they experience the death of a loved one.
While your unique personality and experiences influence how you think and feel about death, there are also other factors.
For example, the culture you were raised in, as well as the one you are living in at any given time, will shape your beliefs and perceptions of death.
The way other people in your life perceive and react to grief will also affect your feelings.
I have recently had to face a close encounter of death of a loved one that was getting neglected in a local nursing home.
I was denied specific care and was spoken to as my loved one was dying, as the result that was not the case.
My reasoning behind stating this is to let the ones reading this don’t allow ones to talk about death as it’s no big deal.
A person’s life is every bit of a big deal to the very end.
The way you feel about death, whether someone else’s or your own, is unique to you and informed by your experiences and beliefs.
Ultimately, there are some common feelings that people experience in the process of death and dying.
The established stages of grief are often referenced, though they needn’t be strictly followed.
You might want to think of them as a nonlinear guide or roadmap.
When someone has reached old age, there are many years of life to reflect on.
The process takes time and has many ups and downs.
While people will not necessarily experience the stages of grief in the same order or intensity, there are specific emotions that tend to be associated with death and dying.
Denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are generally accepted to be the core emotional components of the grieving process.
Some people experience these emotions in order, but it’s also possible for people to revisit stages or spend more time in one stage than another.
Denial
The initial stage of grief is considered denial, wherein a person struggles or refuses to comprehend that your loved one is dying.
They may go to great lengths to ignore the reality of the situation or even discuss it with their loved ones or doctors.
The denial phase of grief is often an immediate reaction, and a person begins to move through it once they have had time to process the information.
Anger
When a person reaches the anger stage, they may experience and express these feelings inwardly, outwardly, or both.
They may be angry because they feel they aren’t ready to die or that they don’t “deserve” it.
They may process these angry feelings inwardly and prefer to avoid interacting with others.
A person may also take their anger out on the people around them including friends, family, and even doctors and nurses.
Bargaining
Eventually, most people move into a stage of bargaining.
If they are religious, a person may ask their higher power to save their life.
They may pray and promise “to be good”
or “better” if only God will spare them.
Conversations with others during the bargaining stage of grief may feature a lot of statements that start with “If only…”
These comments may be directed at what a person wishes they could undo about the past (“If only I hadn’t started smoking…”) or focus on the things they are realizing they will miss out on (“If only I could live to see my grandchildren grow up…”).”
Depression
Most people experience depression at some point in the dying and grieving process, though it may take different forms. When someone is dealing with the death of a loved one, a period of mourning is an expected reaction to the loss.
Alternatively, when a person is in the process of dying themselves, the mourning is preemptive.
Anticipatory grief can involve more than just the loss of their life; as death gets closer and they become more dependent on others, a person may mourn the loss of their independence and their identity.
Death is a word, and it is the word, the image, that creates fear.
Jiddu Krishnamurti
This post was written by Lauren K., and published by Convenient Counseling Services.
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