Well, we made it, sort of.
We are almost 9 months in to this global pandemic, and although we thought it would be behind us by now, the reality is setting in that this may linger longer than we would have welcomed it too.
With the absolute perseverance and longevity of COVID19, many are now experiencing difficulty in navigating boundaries when it comes to friends and family entering into ‘normal’ activities, and assessing our own comfort in finding a new normal.
Many have found themselves in situations where they are discovering that their comfort levels regarding going out, the number of people around, or other precautions being taken are vastly different than those around them. This often results in some sticky situations, to say the least. How do we navigate our own comfort and preserving feelings of those around us?
Boundaries are hard to set. Let’s just call it like it is. They can feel uncomfortable and unnatural, especially to those who are not particularly fond of speaking up for themselves. Now add in a global pandemic with real physical health consequences, and the stakes just feel that much higher.
First things first, we need to establish our comfort level, even if it is just for that day. This is key. Your comfort level and boundaries today do not have to be the same as they were a week ago, and certainly do not have to be the same next week. This may important to share with those around you;
“For today, I would prefer not to be around that many people. I can let you know how I am feeling tomorrow/next week/next month about doing so.”
What happens when our family or friends resist, or come back with things that we may not necessarily agree with;
“Things aren’t that bad”, or “it’s just like the flu, you’re going to be fine”, so on and so forth.
The reality is, their views and opinions on things does not impact your personal views and opinions. Everyone is entitled to their own boundaries, and each person is allowed to have a different line in the sand. If those around you are not understanding your point of view, take note of how much emotional labor you feel comfortable putting into them understanding. It may be some, it may be none. Both answers are okay.
Is it your job to update them with all of the science, data, and research that you may be so painstakingly following? No way. Is this something that you may want to do? Sure. If you find yourself truly wanting to share this knowledge, by all means, lean into that desire! But, if you find your intention in sharing these things is to sway the person, or hope they accept your boundaries in return, the emotional labor may not be worth the possible disappointment when it does not turn that way.
Another important aspect of these boundaries is knowing which boundaries are yours, and which are your families. What we mean by this is, while we are able to establish our own boundaries regarding COVID19 safety and comfortability, we also have our family’s input in the matter. I’m not talking about your great aunt whom is upset with you for not coming around for Thanksgiving, either. We’re talking about your spouse, partner, children, or whichever humans are living with you or in your immediate “pod”.
Even if difficult, we must converse with our loved ones about what everyone is feeling safe with. As discussed above, these conversations might need to take place week to week, or even day to day as new developments come about. That is okay. The important thing to take note of in these conversations is that they are not meant to hurt or shame anyone, but to get on the same page and keep everyone safe and comfortable. Going into each conversation with this goal in mind may keep tensions low in establishing our lines in the sand, if you will.
Last, certainly, certainly not least; no means no. “No” is a complete sentence. “No” does not require an explanation. “No” is not up for negotiation. No. Means. No.
And remember, be kind. Just as you want to share your boundaries with those around you and not feel judged or shamed, those around you would also like this same freedom. Listen and respect the boundaries of others with the same kindness and open mind that you would like to receive in return.
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