Another year with gathering around the table, giving thanks for the food and the people around us.
What if that’s not what we enjoy anymore?
What if that causes us to have more anxiety and stress?
What if you have been estranged from family because of arguments, addictions, or divorce?
Maybe there is an empty chair at your table this year due to the death of a loved one.
Whatever your reasons are, showing your grace and thankfulness isn’t always easy when you’re feeling this way.
There are three main triggers of holiday stress and depression
Relationships, finances and physical demands.
“Relationships can be stressful any time of the year, but the holidays can add extra stress and tension. From getting together with family members to spousal arguments, a clash of personalities is bound to occur one way or the other. What’s important to note is that without those around you, the holidays would be a very lonely time; dealing with your relationships can improve the holidays”
There are ways to cope with argumentative people and techniques to help.
Strategies to Overcome Loneliness
Embrace technology, especially during the holidays.
Today, you’re just a click away from enjoying the season.
Family members unable to travel?
Plan online gatherings using platforms like Zoom.
From cooking together to enjoying special events, you’ll enjoy your family and friends even though you’re miles apart.
Not as fun as seeing each other, but emails and text messages are easy ways to stay connected too.
Staying connected is what’s important.
Many communities host holiday events all season long. Check your local community calendar to choose some fun outings and then get with your friends or neighbors and make plans for a fun outing.
Love to volunteer your time? Then you’ll find numerous opportunities to lend a helping hand during the holidays. Contact your local charities to discover what touches your heart and sign up. Such as Meals on Wheels and your local Samaritan center.
Of course, don’t get so busy that you find yourself suffering from another level of holiday stress, but when you find yourself feeling the stress of loneliness, take action and enjoy yourself.
The Power of Choice
The holiday season is traditionally a time to strengthen the bonds between family members.
We are thankful for who we have and who we remember. But for many, those ties have been cut because they are estranged from their loved ones.
Estrangement
Estrangement describes a situation when someone makes deliberate efforts to distance themselves from or cut ties with a family member.
Sometimes, people choose to be estranged from their entire family of origin, and other times, the estrangement is limited to a certain person or group of persons.
If you are currently estranged from family members (or considering it), you’re not alone.
Research has suggested that over a quarter of adults experience estrangement, whether initiated by them or by other family members. That’s over 70 million Americans and that is 70 million families alone and separated during the holiday season.
“Holidays abound with tradition, expectations, and possibilities. Unfortunately, when one experiences estrangement one can encounter degrees of sadness, guilt, shame, depression, loneliness, and isolation. They put on a solid front to protect themselves from their grief and loss.”
Ways to help heal during the holidays
- If you previously celebrated this season with lots of rituals, perhaps only include one or two. Do what’s right for you and your family. You also can create new traditions that are a better fit for your life right now.
- Keep your expectations of self in check. Be patient and generous with yourself. Afford yourself the same kindness with which you treat others in times of need.
- If you have no family around, do something special for yourself.
Most importantly to me…
Learn to say NO – and not feel bad about doing so! Say no to those obligations that make you feel sad or stir up memories you don’t feel strong enough to confront yet. You can skip parties, both personal and work related. You are not obligated to live up to others’ expectations of you.
This post was written by Lauren K., and published by Convenient Counseling Services.
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