Remember in the 90s when we had all kinds of sweet and heartwarming family T.V shows
For example there was Family Matters, Full House and even Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
The common theme surrounding these sitcoms is family integration and support.
The Winslows were always there for each other and even provided love to Steve Urkel.
The Tanners welcome all relatives to live in the same home.
Uncle Phil and Aunt Vivian provided financial support and safety to Will, when he needed it the most.
One way or another we were taught that a nuclear (man and woman) family was the true meaning of family.
Well news flash!
Making a family does mean they have to be blood related to you. Family comes in all shapes and forms, it kind of depends on your personal values.
Unfortunately, not everyone has a safe, supportive and/or a kind family.
Everyone can in a sense have their own personal “baggage”.
This “baggage” can represent emotional, physical and even sexual trauma.
Victims reach a point where they seek help from outside support.
Sometimes family cannot provide the same level of care which leads to a disconnection
Families can be toxic to their own relatives.
We all hold different values and goals in life.
Unfortunately, there are those who only care for their personal wellbeing.
For example, the topic of inheritance can often cause disputes within the family.
Not only that but there are relatives who struggle with addictions and their only goal is to get the next vice.
There can also be arguments of personal beliefs versus what you are culturally allowed to practice.
The VeryWell family (Morin, 2021) reports the following as the most common reason for family separation:
- Sexual, physical, or emotional abuse or neglect
- Poor parenting
- Betrayal
- Drug abuse
- Disagreements (often related to romantic relationships, politics, homophobia, and issues related to money, inheritance, or business)
- Physical or mental health problems
So the real question is: When is it okay to cut off your family?
This is a loaded question and the answer varies depending on the situation.
You have to consider multiple factors before cutting or completely separating from your family.
- Was the conflict/argument valid?
- Do you have children? If yes, how will it affect the children?
- Is there a significant trauma history?
- Are you safe/ or safety being compromised?
- Is forgiveness possible?
- Have they considered going to therapy? – for example family therapy has been known to be very effective.
- Are you okay with separating with your family to live your personal lifestyle/beliefs?
It is okay to separate yourself from a toxic family to protect yourself and your immediate family.
At the end of the day, you have to be selfish and think about your own wellbeing.
If your family is not willing to compromise or provide you with support then cut them off.
You do not have to do it immediately, you can always start slow.
You should always put yourself first above all.
Families can be formed in many different ways.
Stay close to those who provide comfort, support and safety.
If you have a small family, try your best to analyze your situation and think about the future consequences.
No one however, has the right to cause you any type of harm.
For immediate emergency response call 911 or the Domestic Violence Hotline (2023): 800-799-7233.
This post was written by Jasmine P., and published by Convenient Counseling Services.
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