When You Feel Like You Have Failed..

7 am…

You open your one eye, roll over once or twice, stretchhh and jump!

Whether we jump to our jobs or our children we are always rushing to complete our daily duties in a timely manner.

What happens when you just feel you have no more to give?

The new days come and they go, but you’re feeling heavier, you’re feeling as though you’re losing yourself.

You remember others saying;

“A new day a fresh start”
“THE SUN IS SHINING”
“Put the past behind you”
“What happened yesterday was yesterday”
“Smile because life is too short”

OH and my favorite;

“It can’t be that bad, there is always someone else having it worse than you?”

They all have seen the sadness behind my eyes and the frustration trembling in my hands, but why has no one tried to help me?
I don’t need a night out with wine, or someone telling me their opinion on motherhood or how to just take up yoga and learn to breathe.

HELP ME!

Or maybe it’s just help yourself.

Raising kids is so difficult, I used to tell myself the only thing Iwas good at was being a Mom. I was the best Mom. Fun, outgoing, energetic and Oh ya patience, I had so much patience. Between school, work, sports, dinner, bath time, clean up time…WAIT do we have a dog?

Crap, the dog didn’t go out, did I feed him today?

Did I kiss my daughter’s before they went off to school?

I lost myself, I felt I was no longer the best Mom or person for that matter.

I felt I just have failed

Even in the madness we can find peace. During all the chaos in life we can find ourselves, again.

It’s not finding a new hobby or self-medicating with a little retail therapy or Pinot Noir and cheese plates. I mean that does sound so good. But, for me it was healing. I needed healing. Healing from the inside out. I suffered from anxiety of placing too much on my plate at once. Lying in bed and brainstorming all I needed to do
except the important. I needed to be more present and how the heck was I going to do that?

6:30 am…

Giving yourself time for You.

I started giving myself 30 minutes to reflect on the new day. I reflected on myself, I stretched, I took breaths in and out. I listened. Have you ever listened to a home that was so quiet but everyone
was still there? To be still and present was a beautiful feeling. I grounded my behavior and racing thoughts to come to the realization it’s not
me, it is not my flaws that have failed me in life. It was just the abundance of being overwhelmed and not loving myself.

I let anxiety control my behavior, my thoughts and my patience. I let the corrupt world over power me and took the battle of the mind to war. I feared health. I feared it all. I always loved the smell of fresh pine, it brought me to a place of peace. I started taking my time by the moments and not days. I set small goals, I would not allow myself to feel frustrated inside and if I
noticed I gave myself 2 min of calmness I would praise myself, with a smile and a nod. I quickly learned that my acceptance increased over time. The more I put myself there presently the more it was just falling into place.

I noticed my behavior as a Mother. I wasn’t the yelling Mommy who runs around with laundry hanging on her arm and the casserole burning in the stove any longer. I guess you can say I didn’t sweat the small stuff and when I stopped realizing that those small things were just that, I started appreciating everything I was missing out on and that was time.

You haven’t failed

You will not fail

We are all in this thing called life and we will rise up!

 

This post was written by Lauren K., and published by Convenient Counseling Services.

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